The mission of this foundation is a grassroots effort, and its success depends on people who believe in a simple, powerful truth: that children need their fathers, and fathers need their children. Here is what we need to turn this mission into a sanctuary for those who have been failed by the system.
Spread the word. The only way a grassroots effort works truly is by word of mouth. If the mission of this foundation speaks to you, tell others. Share our website with your friends, your family, and on social media. We don't have the resources to go door to door or to leave flyers all over town. But, if each person who sees and believes in this just shares it with one other person, that's all we need. One becomes two. Two becomes four. And so on.
Because this is a start-up, anyone looking to get involved will need to expect no compensation and be ready to volunteer their services. Eventually, as the foundation grows, then proper compensation will be explored. Everyone needs to eat, and you might as well earn your food while doing something you love.
As men, in our culture, and just historically, our emotions are often disregarded—even to ourselves. We are taught that to feel is to be weak. This has to stop. It is a denial of our basic humanity that hurts us on so many levels. It's hard enough as men to admit we've been hurt and that we need help. When fathers finally mount the courage to ask for help, they are too often met by a fractured system that leaves them out in the cold.
The Kids Need Dads Need Kids Foundation will not pursue this model. We need licensed, experienced counselors who are fully trained, and dedicated to helping men, fathers and their children. Our goal is to build a team of dedicated therapists, initially on a voluntary basis, with the long-term vision of a salaried staff. We will create a place where no man who bravely asks for help is ever left hanging again.
This is a critical component of our mission. When a family is in crisis, the youngest are often the most vulnerable. We were constantly faced with services that couldn't help a child because of age or, worse, couldn't help because of financial limitations. Kids Need Dads Need Kids aims to turn this table over.
We need a dedicated staff of child therapists and psychologists—volunteers at first—who are passionate about helping children of all ages heal and prosper. The goal will be eventually to have a permanent staff of paid child therapists so the children coming into our house for healing can have consistency, trust, and safety in always knowing the same face will be there to greet them every time.
The current landscape for support groups is a mess, especially for a male victim or survivor of domestic violence. We will not shy away from the use of the word "victim." If the abuse is still ongoing—if your abuser has your children and leverages them against you, you are still a victim.
We will move beyond the "catch-all" model. The Kids Need Dads Need Kids Foundation aims to have dedicated male support groups for all areas. Whether you are a victim of domestic violence, a father trying to learn to be better, or a man going through an unexpected and painful divorce, we have a group for that. Our aim is to ensure our support groups actually address the myriad of fathers' needs.
We are looking for lawyers who became lawyers because they want to help others, to fix things, and to make the world a better place. We need legal professionals with a proven track record of doing what's right for children—not what's right to win a case or for their pocket. If they can't make children their priority, we don't want them.
We are also calling on former family lawyers and judges who became so fed up with the system that they walked away. The goal is to build a team of paid legal advocates who are driven by a hunger to help children and fathers.
To grow and succeed, we will need:
We aim to break the system. Our ultimate goal is to lobby for massive, fundamental change. Decisions about children's lives should not be made by those without the time or training to genuinely consider their well-being. These types of decisions should be made by those who are actually trained in the needs of children: PhD-level Child Psychologists and specialists in early childhood development. Custody matters should be decided by a panel of such experts.
We aim to capsize the ship. We will build a new table that's actually about the children. We need trained lobbyists and advocates who can help us fight for this change within our already corrupt political system.
Don't just stand on the sidelines! If you feel this. If you need this! If you want this! Get involved! You never know what you might be able to bring to the table even when you don't think you have anything to offer. If you care, that's the most important skill.