A Note from the Founder

“Alright kiddos! Sorry sorry sorry! You all are no longer kiddos! At all! You all have a couple of weeks left before you are free from the burden that is High School - hence and forevermore. You’ll technically be adults - for those of you who actually are 18 that is. Oh wait! Most of you are only 17 STILL. Wahwah. For all that teasing about my having to attend kindergarten twice, I still won! Even if I am 25 years older than most of you. *sticks out his tongue and puts his thumbs in his ears* I was actually - and officially for that matter - an adult when I was handed my diploma! Signed! Sealed! Delivered! Booo-yahhhh!”

“But, since I’m back to being a ‘lowly sub’ once again in my career, I may not see any of you - most of you - oh gawd please let it be most of you. *sticks out tongue* I just want to wish you all an early congrats on your pending graduation! It truly has been my honor to have seen many of you grow and mature over the years. It has been an interesting, insightful and ironically, personally fulfilling journey to have been your teacher throughout the years. And by honor to have seen, I meant your honor to have seen me! See! You miss one word - or two - Charlie! - ‘your’ or ‘my’ - and the whole meaning gets lost. *sticks out tongue* NOW GET OUT OF HERE! GO BE GROWN UPS!”

“Hey Alex! Hold up! I have this book of yours - I better give it to you now - just in case - I don’t see you again - either.”

“A book! You mean like a gift Mr. D? For meeeeee? Awwwwww Mr. Deeeee! I knew I loved you for a reason!”

“No Alex. As in it’s your bo… .”

“SEE YOU GUYS! Have a great summer! I SEE great things in your future! For real! GREAT THINGS!”

“Sorry Alex. My apologies, too many distractions. I know it’s in this bag somewhere. No no no. It’s your book - your actual book. You left it in a classroom the first time I had to start substituting - it seems like... .”

“GAVIN! BUDDY! You GOT THIS BUD! Geesh! Have your arms gotten bigger? Two more weeks bud! 2 more weeks and you’ve done it! I told you you could do it! Just keep at it and the next two weeks - last 2 years - all of it - will have been a dream that you actually conquered! YOU GOT THIS MAN! I KNOW you do!”

“Ummmmm - oh Alex. Helloooo. Uhhhh. What did you need again? Hmmmm?”

“Ahhhhhhh. A book! A book, Mr. D! You said you had a book... .”

“Yes, yes! The book! Sorry! Sorry. So sorry. Seems I can’t even remember my name half the time. The book! Here it is!”

“Uhhh Mr. D, This is like a fir.. .”

“I’ll catch up Hailey. Nah it’s cool. I’m fine. I’m safe. I’ll text you. Tell your mom I love her! I love you too! We are so part… uhhh going to the lake this weekend. I’ll text you later for SURE!”

“Uhhh Mr. D? This is a book I would have had in like first grade!”

“Yes! Yes. Yeah. You probably did. You know me! Half the time I can’t remember things - the other half I remember everything wrong! So, yes. I probably have had that book in this bag ever since I had you in a class that first time so long ago - so VERY long ago. I either forgot to tell you or I thought I forgot the book at home on the table. But, yes! I think you left that in a class at the end of the year - probably when you were in first grade and I was your sub. I have forgotten to give it back ever since.”

“OHHHHHHH MY GAWD! MR. Deeeeeee! THIS IS MY BOOK! I remember this was MY FAVORITE book. I always wanted my mom to read it to me. That’s sooooo weird that you found it! I thought - for sure - she threw it out one of the times she got mad - really mad. OH MY GOSH!”

“Yeah, I know your mom was pretty rough on you. I’m really sorry. I’m sorry - I couldn’t do more. Unfortunately, those who haven’t actually lived the life of trauma - fail to see that the real abuser is the one who has the fanciest - most dramatic - story to tell. Stories that defy all the evidence before them! But people always believe the bigger stories. Sorry. I’ve been through it too - in ways that you wouldn’t believe - like really - YOU wouldn’t believe. I really hope the book being with me didn’t make the trauma any harder or anything like that.”

“NOOOOO! MR. D! This is huge!!! It’s like it was in a safety deposit box better than Fort Knox! THANK YOU! OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH! THANK YOU! CAN I FINALLY GIVE YOU A HUG?! For real! You know, to say thank you?”

“NO NOO NOOO! You know the 6 foot rule! That’s my very large bubble. How about an air hug instead?”

“Ohhhhh-kay.”

“But, if you have a few minutes - I can tell you the journey the book has had. It is quite the journey - to say the least.”

“Oh yes! Totally Mr. D! YES! I want to see how different of a life it had. Tell me Mr. D! PLEASE.”

“Okay. Ahh - Where do I start? Uhhh - well - whooo - ummm - uhhhh - shoot! I think I just have to say that - as I get started - before I get started - that - uhhh - I am going to sound like a total lunatic - by the end I mean - or even sooner. Please stay for the full story. Please let me finish. I have to finish. I have to tell YOU the whole story.”

“Okaaaay! Mr. D! This just got weird. Like really weird! You’re acting weird. I think I’m just going to go.”

“Yes, your prob… . That’s probably the righ - look - uhhhhhh! I’M A - I’m a - a - a - I’M A TIME TRAVELER!”

“I have to tell... I have to tell the whole story... for it to make sense. PLEASE. I don’t know how else to do this. This time.”

“Yeaaaah - uhhh - Mr. D! I’m done with this conversation. This CONVERSATION is OVER!”

“Noooooo! Look! Uhh wait! Please wai - we - we - w - WE HAVE TWO CHILDREN TOGETHER! We had! We have? I don’t know - anymore! But, we had two children together. SOMEWHERE! SOMEHOW. I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T KNOW HOW! BUT IT’S TRUE! It’s really true. It’s the truth. It has to be the truth.”

“PLEASE! You have to BELIEVE ME!”

“PLEASE! Please please please please for Atlas! For Torin! FOR TORIN AND ATLAS! PLEASE! Our BOYS! Please. Just stay. Just listen. That’s all I’d say. Please. JUST. LET. ME. TELL. THEIR. STORY. PLEASE! please listen. please. just one more time. please.”

“Look! We don’t have to do it all the same. I know the days. I know the dates! I KNOW THE TIMES.”

“Well, not exactly. But, for Atlas, for sure! I know the when! I can tell you almost to the moment. That’s when you really loved me - the other time - the first time - the different time - or at least you pretended - so well - so really well - that time. I know all of it - for Atlas - almost to the moment.”

“For Torin, I’m pretty sure of the when - because that was the first time that I actually - you know - finished - the way you always wanted - uhhh requested - demanded. But! I can get us close - to a few days - over a specific week. Because that was right after - our second time - back together. It was the first time that I could - uhhh - you know - finish. I didn’t fake it! That time! That one time! So, it’s close. Within a few days close and only over a week, at best.”

“I think if we get it right with Atlas - I believe - I have high hopes - that if we try again right around the right time - I think we can get Atlas back. And, Torin back too! I really think. I really hope. I think we COULD! If we just try. If you’ll try. Please.”

“That’s all I’d ask. Just please let us try - JUST once. At least the exact time when it happened for Atlas. If that doesn’t work. Then I’ll know I did it wrong - some way - somehow - I did it wrong - this time around.”

“But, if we could just try for Atlas - just this one time! YOU DON’T have to raise them! You don’t have to be involved. I know now - this time around - that it was a trauma bond - sort of thing - FOR YOU - you never really wanted to be a mom - you never really wanted our boys - not then - not with me. Not - that time around.”

“You said that to me so many times that first time around that I always hear it. ‘I’M - NOT - SUPPOSED - TO - BE - A - MOM - RIGHT - NOW.'  You said it so many times after - after Torin.  I get it - I really do.  You thought our boys would fix it all - for you - take away the hurt - take away the pain - take away your mom.  I won’t ask you to stay.  I won’t force you to be.  Just let them be!  Please.  Let them be.  Let them live.  Let them exist.  I can do the rest.  I know I can!  Please.  Help me to bring them here!  That’s all I ask.  It’s all that I’d ask of you now - this time around.  You can live the life in the dorms or do whatever you want this time around.  Just please let our boys be.  I’ll do the rest this time - I won’t make you stick - around - this time.”

“Just help them to be and I’ll leave you be - around - but please just give our boys the chance - to be - around - this time - around - one more time - around - I’ll leave you be - but please - just help our boys - around - to be - around - this time - around - around - around - no trauma - around - around - around - this time - around - around - around - they can be - around - around - around - trauma free - around - around - around - this time - around - around - around -around around around around around around around around around around around”

“oh please let them be oh please let them be oh please oh please oh please oh please”